update! ;D

1. my hair's straighten, rebonded & i have fringe. curious?? next post la pict. :P

2. still not working. no surprise there LMAO im pathethic, but am still cute. ^_____________________________^ i will slap myself later. hmm..im still struggling thru dis one. but im optimistic!!

3. i am confused, hurt, & feeling casted away right now. no surprise either eh? im destined somehow for negativity. optimistic, yes :D

4. discovery!! my cats penjealous rupanya. pantang, kami makan dia pun mau. kami ketawa drg pun lompat2 mau attention. olololoooo.

5. im totally in an experimenting mode. no boundaries, trying everything new =) hehe

6. ok, i want everyone to know this. if ur a girl, & me being friends with ur boyfriend bothers the fuck out of u, tell me straight out & i'll leave both of u alone. if ur a boy, & me being friends with u pisses the heck outta ur girlfriend, dont waste my time k? dont drag me into ur issues. i know how i am, i have seen how a person is intentionally wanting attention that it disrupts a relationship, or it bothers either one, the guy or the girl; but i am not THAT GIRL. that kind of BITCH ruined my life (momentarily) before & i swore that THAT is what i DONT want to be.

7. there'll be more potty-mouthing, & they're not sugar-coated hehe. ERHEM. im 21 years old, becoming 22 soon. ive pretty much seen a lot of people by now. & experience quite a few things. so i'll know a MORON when i see one. try not to judge me as the baby-faced soft-spoken hannah all the time. i can be the in-ur-face hannah too.

8. i have a BEDHEAD SMUDGIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i'll stop being angry & start being grateful for the good things that happened recently.

must...keep...eyes...open.....

i haven't slept since my last post. since last night. since 9pm last night. slept for only an hour & a half people. & now im at WAR.

i cannot sleep. i absolutely cannot let myself sleep.

1. im not at home.

2. im at a cc in center. friggin' long story.

remember that jinx i mentioned in my previous post? as expected....no tarian. gee, that just makes it easier for me to leave for danum then huh? bye bye tarian. stayed my ass awake for nothing. oh shoot me. anyone please.

when i just planned to sleep my ass off, at 7am my mom announced,

"Let's go to gaya street with uncle shahrin & the family!"

wokay, that sounds ok. a few hours is ok i guess. then maybe i can sleep after that.

we.....eventually left the house at nearly 10am. ok, i can still hold on. boleh ba ni. more than 12 hours awake. i can handle this.

k, chapter 2.

i couldnt send my spm results to my uncle (waaahhh what a surprise) so had to meet up with my cousin d cp. & i had (or so i thought) training at 2pm in asia city. since i was already in kk, went to gaya street with the shahrin clan, so i thought it was a good idea to stay in kk. i wont be able to wake up if i went home & have a little nap. what was i thinking? dammit. wat. was. i. thinking.

2pm. studio. EMPTY. maybe it was naive of me to expect that they would inform me if there was no training. maybe i was just supposed to know when there was no training. like mind reading. @_@

so i am stuck here in kk, more than 20 hours being awake, waiting for my parents to pick me up while they're in tuaran with the shahrin family.

my insomnia's starting to get really serious now. i mean, it wouldnt matter much that me not having enough sleep causes me fatigue & all, coz if i was informed & told of what i need to know, dis wouldn't have to happen.

if i was really dancing, dis is nothing. ive done this before. but seriously, this the most terrible day of my LIFE. nope, its not when i broke up with whats-his-face, its not when i see her & him in front of me & my so-called friends stayed static, it is THIS. im totally babbling. dammit im sleepy.

nasib la cousin ku ada tau. haih.

klu nda, basah ni keyboard kena air liur basi. hm. sekian, terima kasih.

i cant come up with anything intelligent for my title

& neither do i have much to say in my post MIAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!! im just updating doodadoodadoooooodaaaaaaa~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

wat hav i been up to...waaaat hav iiiii beeeeeeen up tooooooooooooooo................

?

well...

i guess.......

NOTHING!!!!!!














:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

i made cookies? yahh hannah...u wrote bout dat already....







im confused bout where to work? yeah yeah..same old same old...no wonder nobody reads ur blog hannah...buweekkk :P :P :P :P :P

im right now super sensitive? dis will be depressing. no.









nahh...i got nothing. i didnt do much these past few days. yesterday i was supposed to take this exam for an insurance exam (YIKES!!) which was postponed to april 11th (whew..~) & yesterday too, i was supposed to already start my driving lisence, but...ahh...all growny uppy things are jinxed to me; i cant do any of them. ada2 ja. or maybe im the one that's jinxed 0_________0 wo......kay. dont even get me started on working. but i promised myself i wont think about working or watever today. i want think clever today. i want happy & dont sad. hah. ahahah. hahaaaa.

oh yeah, i was supposed to send my spm results to my pacik pol today too, but nahh, dat didnt happen...too. gosh. berapa banyak baaaaaa benda nda settle ni. it does get to u, u noe?

dis....dis....dis is not good for my chronic idiopathic urticaria. im not supposed to even be stressed out people. IM ALLERGIC TO IT. @_@

im supposed to send it before monday la, not a big deal at all. but but but, if my jinx right here stops its malicious streak, i am supposed to be busy today @_@ i am supposed to dance maybe? which mean pacik pol would have to kick my ass coz i wont be able to send him my spm results. but i absolutely do not want to put that (me possibly being busy) into today's planning or even hope that it happens. this jinx seems unstoppable.

apart from all of that, im fine & healthy & just chilling out at my home while blissfully being lazy & having too much sleep :D yeah. dat about describes everything.

oh wait. im gaining weight as i speak. wait, there's something wrong with that phrase.

im gaining weight as i blog. haha! not funny? ok.

so, how has ur week treating u? feel free to share it with me. & in doing so, u probably will add more misery in my life.















happiness!!! u'll add more happiness in my life!!!!!!!! happy. ness. not misery. sorry bout that. slip of the tounge huhu. err finger. my finger slipped. oh whatever.

*slowly rolling eyes*

hehahaha "personality" tests

ngeheh....i went to amesz's blog, & jumpala website filled wit personality tests :D

nden nden nden...

i took la the quiz that she took, plus...........50 others? :D :D :D :D :D :D

man were they interesting aaaahahhahahaha!!!

some were accurate, some just made me laugh my intestines off.

yg ini,

what's on ur mind?

& the result was,

You think money and love are equally important. You have an interest in many things in life, and work hard to ensure that you maintain a healthy balance between work, play and love. However, you tend to be unable to decide on what you really want to do with your life. You wouldn't dream of leaving your loved one for one or two million dollars, but you would have to reconsider if the offer rose to 100 million dollars.

dat is exactly on my mind, if u read my other posts @_@ i noe, im selfish =/ but like it says,

"maintain a healthy balance between work, play & love"

so im trying to balance it all out!! hee~ =)

the clothes u wear

What others see from your style

You wear whatever you please, you are probably confident, stubborn, strong-minded and independent. Deep down, however, you think that you are being excluded from society. You wish you belonged, but as you don't, you're going to follow your own rules.

What your nightclothes reveal

You are friendly and always in good mood. You are candid and helpful, and can be sexy at times too.

What others see from your ties

You are a caring people. You are romantic, witty, and easygoing. You compromise rather than confront, and love nature.

What others see from your belts

You tend to be outspoken and even aggressive. You either love or hate people, ideas and things. You can sometimes find facing the truth difficult and are an extremely confident person.

What others see from your shoes

You are a person who loves simplicity and is sincere and open. You are pleasant to be with, easygoing and always in a good mood. You neither want to control nor be under someone else's control. You don't care much about how you look, and know that it's what's inside someone's heart that's important.

What others see from your earrings

You are a hardworking people. You are serious and capable. You know what you want out of life, and you go after it.

The last analysis

You are probably a clever and adventurous person. You love to learn new things, and enjoy socializing with friends. Although you enjoy your freedom, you cherish peacefulness and like to spend time alone with your thoughts.

one thing's right,

"you wish u belong, but as you don't, you're going to follow your own rules"

HELL YEAAAHHHH!!!! i can be a chameleon, tukar2 warna kulit demi sama tema dgn persekitaran, but im my own person ^_^

interesting...i didnt noe earrings can show how hardworking u r :D :D :D :D :D :D but i like the results for this =)

favorite place in your home

Here is the analysis:

You are imaginative and colorful. You attract people just by the way you talk. This can make some people feel jealous.

"You attract people just by the way you talk"

that's coz they haven't heard me burp & fart LMAO..AHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

no one's jealous of me u idiot

your sixth sense

Your Sixth Sense Score: 73%

You are reasonable and won't get blown by temptations. However, you might miss some great opportunities.

u made me answer 20 friggin' qs & this is all u got? sudala results nda besh. cis.

the most miserable situation

dis quiz will tell u kind of person u r by choosing which one is the most miserable situation for u.

my analysis,

You are basically a person who enjoys reminiscing.

You are a very emotional person indeed, easily influenced by people and your surroundings. For example, if society is sad about the death of famous people, you will share these sentiments, or when watching a sad movie, you will be so engrossed that you will end up being sadder than the main actors in the movie.

YOUR LOVE

Are you a very confused person?
Sometimes you like to be left alone.
Sometimes you want to be loved.
Sometimes you need him or her.
Sometimes you don't.
Does it sound familiar?

...... *speechless* oh ur good. this one is...100% accurate :P i love reminiscing on those good old times =) =) =) my childhood is as clear as yesterday ^_____^

i am SENSITIVE!!!! BETUL NI BA!!!!! especially bout the movie part..u should've seen me & amesz watching marley & me TTT_______TTT hint: our shirts' colars were wet..... :P

i am confused, im aware of this xP

what's in the cave?

Here is the analysis:

You are emotional. If the opportunity arises, you have a chance to cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend.

o.......kay...u noe, ur putting ideas into my head witout me even thinking it :D adaaaala jd unfaithful ni...but i gotta find an unlucky b*stard first :P miahahahhahahah!!!

i put a link into those quizzes, be welcome to try em :D

hahh ni la ba klu tgh boring, apa2 ja pun layan :D :D :D

wokehh bisuk si dang minah haji johari pnya anak kawin...my third cousin...yg aku bru tau..dia...kazen aku :D :D :D :D

sleeep sleep sleep sleep

zzzzZZzzzZZzzZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZzzz....

Guilty of at least 5!! :D

his name is Julian Smith, & these are the 25 things he hates about Facebook :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D



sarcastic as it is, THIS IS SO FUNNY!!!!

who's a facebook junkie & proud of it, RAISE UR HANDS!!!!!!!!!! lol




k im gonna go now.

i went a lil overboard T___T

i am so fickle.

i like, change every two seconds.

i realized that my anger (from previous post) is totally unfair. anger maybe, but to throw my thoughts up to a point where i dont considerate others' feelings, especially my loved ones really just makes me a MORON.

probably there was another reason for this; i have been sleeping a lil too much...pms? T___T

anyway, my parents r a bit possessive right now & i can understand why; aku ni anak dorang, bukannya setakat kenalan ja. it makes me feel really bad & guilty to be thinking & saying the stuff here. but, i am only human, i can get angry too. this is like what, the umpteenth time i mention dis? but seriously, there's no excuse for me saying wat i did, thank goodness its only in my personal online diary where they dont read it, instead of me going to another tantrum & yelling all those stuff. GOSH. that would've been terrible.

i remembered when i was in kuantan, i desperately thought of home & wanted so bad to stay here; i was so sure that everything will be fine, i'll be most happy here, with my dear family & friends; & now im not gonna let my impulsive self change my mind all the time. yeah, things might not go according to plan but i just got to make do with watever is given to me. right?

it helps tho in this dillema i feel; i think i can make a good decision when im not all angry & tantrumatic.

danum? or kk?

..


....


.......


.........


....................

Turmoil strikes again. Argh.

hello. im going to babble.

im so stressed out i feel like i can speak german. LOCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCCCHHH SHEERERRRRRRKKKKHHHHH TU BAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *kasi gegar2 tekak*

T_T

okay. isi pertama.

i went for an interview with yayasan sabah last monday, for the post of this secretariat thingy la. i didnt even noe wat i was interviewing for until i...was..interviewed :P & so, i got good feedback from the interviewers regarding my results & resume compare to the one dat was full of shit with STB. it made me feel elated & a bit happy la. sepa nda happy kena recognize gitu?

ok. then, they told me, my place was in Danum or Maliyau, where all the tourism activities r better compare to the ones in kk. instead of interviewing me for the actual post in yayasan sabah tu, they were suggesting me to go to danum & telling me how good it was.

the lady said "sayang oh experience ko ni"

2nd lady "fits better dgn ko pnya background & apa yg ko buat time praktikal ko"

cute dude wit gorgeous dimples "sana byk jugak officer perempuan tu. so its safe for a girl"

whew. dude, wit ur looks, u can say cow dung taste good & i'll believe u :D :D :D :D

erhem. back to me being depressed.

so, it made me consider bout going there; the offer was tempting. the job was perfect & i know i'll enjoy wat i'll be doing. all i had to do was contact the ladies (& hopefully the dude :P) & i can go there whenever i want!!!!!!!

but, thing is, ive already started doing things here in kk :( im taking a takaful insurance exam soon dat my uncle sponsered for & im already in a dance group even tho i havent performed yet.

me going to danum or maliyau wud mean me abondoning those things; its not as terrible as it sounds, but i have already agreed to my uncle's request on helping him build up dis takaful branch, & he has full confidence on me.

im new to the dance group, & im lucky i already have a placing in at least 2 of the dances, & I was the one who wanted to be in it so badly, i was the one looking for them & suddenly, i bail?

*sigh*

i dont wanna look back & remembered dat i regretted something. i dont wanna be looking back at something i wanted to do but didnt. & so i held that thought; i wanted to still think about it. i havent made up my mind yet after the interview, i waited untill when i can discuss it wit my parents.

right.

here's the second one.

i wasn't allowed to go to danum. (?????????????????????????????????????)

watha.......?

ok. im being a bad daughter & wat not, so BITE ME.

after the interview, i told my dad bout the danum thing. & dat i think me, my mom & him should discuss about it at home. i thought, i was allowed to make my own decisions. i thought, the reason i did not take up my degree so soon was that so i can take better opportunities outside a campus.

i thought........didnt it......? wasnt it dis?? HELLO?????????????????????

my mom & dad did discuss. wit themselves. while i was happily sleeping & oblivious. when i woke up, it hurts to see that they reached a decision without hearing me out. i was given the "pleading tone" again that i hate so much.

"but in danum...."

"u wont be able to dance..."

"hannah suda start sini ba kan..."

i wasnt given a choice. i knew wat it all meant. one parent dropping the subject, another parent convincing me to stay. i feel kinda betrayed dat i didnt even get to have a say in this matter. i feel so angry & stressed out that my decision & wat i wanted seems like it doesnt matter.

so i rebelled. i still stood my ground bout considering danum. it was harsh, but it was what i wanted. confused as i am on wat choice i would make, i didnt want anyone to make my choice for me untill i asked for it.

but i guess i wasnt the only one who wouldn't give up.

"hannah, kerjala d kk. **** mau hannah kerja d sini" dis is still ok.

"i want to see u dance" danum. im still thinking but danum.

"if i couldn't dance, im happy to see u" im not changing my mind.

"all the macik2 pun bangga tu tgk hannah"

oooooohhhhh PLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAASSSSSSEEEEEE LAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we're using relatives now? dat me leaving just to work in danum effects the whole entire family tree now??????????????????????????????????????

kill me.

isi ketiga.

i dont wanna be tied down. though i occasionally miss the feeling of having a significant other, im single & happy. i do not wanna have that much of a commitment yet when ur making decisions for two. when anything u do, means dat ur doing it together.

but seriously. i feel like im married with my family. the way i see it, it doesnt have to be dis much. i have to be responsible towards my family, i noe dat, but not up to a point where i feel SUFFOCATED. wat was the point of making me go to pahang & let me learn independence, & then putting me 3 steps backwards? why?

dis is a feeling i do NOT need at the moment. can anyone see that? im not 12. in the end, it wasnt about danum. its about what i want. i probably wouldnt go to danum if i was actually given the time to think about it. i noe im selfish but i am of age to do dat, aren't i? i do not want to be forced into doing something. i wanna be able to make my own decisions.

i want to LIVE. *sigh* i cant please everyone.

this song is so beautiful.....

ive been replaying it over & over again dari semalam ni ba. i noe...HORSES?? but seriously, after a few seconds, then the haunting melodies really get u @_@

dark, love, sadness, its all in there. for me at least.