aaaaaaa...awkward T_T

as some of u already know (eh jap...amy ja kali LOL!!) aku....hehe...getek...p join menari punya group :D :D :D :D :D apaituh...the name of the group is Creative Arts Sabah, & ketua group tu senior all saints la kan...c ken, sepa ingat?? budak pengakap hohahaha

as much as i love dancing tho, dat awkwardness between the dancers & me's too great @_@

awkward awkward awkward...and TOMOROW ADA TRAINING!!!!! TT____TT

i hate being the newbie, seriously...plus, my sumazau makes sabahans erm..."proud"

karas, sumbang, ganjil,...erm...karas... (-_______-)

my awkwardness towards the group is bigger than my seriousness...adala kena buang ni nnt sebab....nda.....serious :D :D :D :D

i keep laughing at myself during previous training...trus....drg tgk ja aku ni dgn pandangan "kenapa budak ni?" hahahaaaa...lawak ba aku tgk diri ku ini d cermin 0_o yg...lawak ni... LOL

oh, dont get me started on my weight...the girls r SUUUUUPER SLIM & then BOOM. big ol fat me. iyah. thank u thank u!! ^____^

so hipotesisnya, jika hannah boring, maka dia kan merepek. sekian terima kasih.

I REFUSE TO SLEEP!!!

dunno. i probably want to do something extraordinary first. then i can sleep happily. weird. @_@

just noooooooooooooow i went out spontaneously with amesz to Mcd to mengumpatsss & beceritaaaaaarrrrrkkkkkksss :D :D :D :D :D

girl, I MISS U A LOT GILAAAAAAAA!!!!! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!! lagu dangdut tu ba....hastagaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! & SOUR CHERRY!!!! CUTE!!!!!!!!

aku jahat buahahahaha she had an assignment to do! & i brought her out for a Mcflurrrrrry miahahahahahaahhahahaha (ni kali yg bikin aku hyper...sugar overdose)

but really really really sorry for that distraction my :D :D :D :D :D if u want any help wit dat assignment, i'll be glad of assistance!! ^_____^








i have a duty to perform jugak before im allowed to sleep. kena suruh guring ikan @___@ baiklah.

kena suruh kasi bersih fridge. there's a month old plastic full of pisang goreng in there. tu yg dry food. yg wet, nda payah la ah. inda decent ROFL (- -,)

wash socks & underpants...MEN'S socks & underpants..im a maid xD

& lastly, anu.....painin....aaahhhh itu ja la


ketara ba teda idea mau blog. sajaaa ja ni ba T___T

wokehlaaah. i got to babysit. im lending my ears here :D :D :D if u noe wat i mean...taraaaa!

im getting married soon...~ *blush*

On July 5th, on my little brother's birthday, will be the day that i will become a Mrs. =) i know, its all pretty surprising, im so surprised myself as it was just confirmed minutes ago, but its really happening a few weeks from now. & im so excited =)

I CANT WAIT TO GET MARRIED!!! =) ive always been envious towards young couples who have dedicated themselves to each other at such an early stage of life to get married & it not being a burden at all. ive always envied how they were sure that they found their soul mates in their youths; well now i can finally feel how it is to be in their shoes. gosh, im just SO happy ^____^

oh! how very very inconsiderate of me. here i am babbling away withour introducing my lucky guy =) i just recently met him, dat's why u haven't heard anything about my love life at all, bcoz, it is so sudden u know. u cant help but just believe that it was love at first sight hehe ;) his name is....

JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS.

hahahahhahah

hahhahahahha

hahahahahhahaahah

hahahahahahah

hahahahahhahahahahah

hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!


i would NOT get married before 28 years old if i could help it. man, im just SO bored.




TTT_______________________TTT

=(

something i wanna do...






BUT I CANT

& tonight was no exception

hahahahahahahahah!! addicted ni baaa...

now, dis cam whore, its not dat he looks good coz of the picture, the picture looks GOOD coz of him :D if u get wat i mean. wish i could do more but aku...blum ckup terer ;P



nama ini budak na-ila. dia comel. dia sarcastic. dia umpama kesakitan di bahagian punggung. itula dia.


now dis sure is messy. but i LIKE :D :D :D :D so wallflower-ish. *note* gmbar tu, saya tengah baring di luar lobby yayasan sabah pada jam 10:43 malam.



hahhhh i like dis kind of editting. it can be dark & potray joy at the same time ^_____^


good news eberibodi!!! i am now not obsessed wit naruto!!!! :D

but am now...obsessed...wit...photoshop T____T sama jugak tipu dia.

ini EMEEEEH!!! :D :D :D

when im into sumthing,

i dont stop. hehahahahahahah.

original copy:

1st try:

and then i played with brushes:

and then, overlay & textures:

ehehheheheheheh ITU SAHAJA!!!

sekian terima kasih.

i'm a BABY

soooo...after having my sleep pattern going normal, screwed it up again by staying up till now


(-____________________________-")


baiklah.


my body was just shocked at how its owner became fickle at being so lazy that i (literally) grew roots to my bed (meaning tu pot aku la, sana ja aku kalau ko mau cari :D) and suddenly dancing from morn till the evening? (sumazau saya karas. next post.) that after sleeping till the afternoon, i slept again in the evening.... ;P

so what i did was...well, dis is wat i've been doing besides browsing for hot actors ^__^

is looking for tutorials on photoshop!!!

adobe photoshop is my nemesis; we dont get along. AT ALL. like elton john & george micheal. kay dats weird. like pickles & peanut butter. hahh better :D

its only recently dat i got the courage to face my fears;

the ever million buttons & functions of photoshop.

ew.

ERHEM!!!

but ive got to say im over it i guess :D still think photoscape & picnik is alrite. im trying here im tryiinnngg..! like the title, im still a beginner (- -,)

from the first tutorial i got, i made this:

buahahahahaha. not much but i like dark dark dark moods of a pict & i guess i did make myself look like ur worst nightmare. so thus, i am satisfied :D :D :D :D i didnt do frames & stuff, malaaaas. (pdhal nda pndai)





im really liking this all dark art whore thing :D :D :D *quoted by the person who posted the tutorial* DIS IS AMESZ BTW!!!!! ngeheeeeeeeehehehehhehehehehe. man. i love doing those kinda eyes. haaaahhh (mau pingsan) again, a simple pict, editted it the same way i did for the 1st pict, which is more complimentory for dis one tho. WHOO!!!





and the one that took the most time, is this...................*silent*


i....could...make...pictures....like dis.......using.......microsoft....picture....editor..... TTTT_______TTTT

but it does a clean effect to it, no noise, & dis kinda editting is meant to do a pin-up style to ur pict, & i choose the wrong pict, so memang, indefinitely, kesalahan sendiri ROFL!!!!!!!

okay, im done now. time to sleep. im gonna gain more jiggly wigglies on my tushie if i keep dis up. hoahahaha.

kaaaaay time to sleep.

i....erm...

robert pattinson & taylor lautner ;P

@_# they get along good dont they? :D

is it me? or are they really like the twilight characters they're playing?




erm...err..





note to self:

indulged in pop culture when in denial


ACCOMPLISHED.

Presenting...Mr. Roach

I know. Im BEYOND weird & crazy.... ROFLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

saya okay

triumph!! happy happy joy joy! i like my blog.

time will tell; indeed it needs more pictures & decorations. my vainness won't fail me. if i ever had that! :D sudah tiba masanya untuk angkat bakul sendiri *clears throat*

hahahhaa.

the past two days of my life was a turmoil; im not bluffing, look at my previous posts. from being confused to angry to enraged; i was a MESS. people warned to not let your right hand know what ur left hand did, & so, i'll leave out my tantrumatic details. the things i did wasnt pretty (muahahahhahahaha) but of course, only when i am happy do i take the moment for granted & thus, it slips my mind so ndala terblog...! ya, dis is wat dis post is about ;)

in my time of tantrumness, my best friend amesz membawa ku berjalan :D uwwaaaaa i missed her gila ni & so cured la sikit ini perasaan marah2 ini huahaha. the curios benjamin button was something; & i wouldn't pick a better company! MYYYYY!!!! SYIIIUUUKKK!!!! we ate lambchops, talked a lot, & the best part besides the watching the movie was meeting our old senior d Port View!!!!!!!!! was glad she was there with me to meet my future "future" ehehehe. nnt la explain. & then nda puas lg becerita, stay lg d mcd drive thru duduk2 makan2. for the whole day, what was worrying & disturbing me was slowly fading smpai dia tggl 3/4 ja. the posts i made before, all those makin lama makin aku nda ingat ^___^ AMESZ I LOVE U GIRL!!

as if that couldnt help me enough, yesterday i went to kk wit a bus to meet my cousin. smpai ja d kk ketawa sudah :D turun ja d bustop, tu konduktor bas p tgk org d bustop ni trus tgk aku smbil senyum dan buat "thumbs up". heran la aku. sekali aku tgk di depan...alalalala cumil jua pacik ni. becicit suda kali. tgk2 aku smbil blushing. the sight was genuine that i find it funny :D nda marah ni terus. i walked a lot, a bit too much i guess, dat sweat built up on my head to create an army or dandruffs. baiklah.

oh. one more. ive added colour to my wardrobe!!! hehe. baju baruuuu muahahah. other than black & white, ive added purple & pink to the collection. yyyeeessss satu mission accomplished. & now that cherie's selling clothes online, i just have to pick what i want thru dis comp :D no salesgirl, no shops.

itulah dia, i have more reasons to be fine than being sour all the time. ^____^ im okay now. no tanrums. :D :D :D :D :D

compromise? not in my vocabs at the moment

in nature, i am a happy go lucky person. im always happy. happy happy happy happy happy. like im always smiling the whole time. nothing can break me.

WRONG.

being angry cant be associated wit me at all; im always called THE NICE ONE, THE GOOD ONE, well newsflash.

I CAN GET IRRITATED

i can be agitated

my cup of coffee can get stirred

i can be angry

no one seems to take me seriously

& till dat time comes, which i think never will,

im gonna go on a rampage if i feel like it

i dont like it i'll say something

IM HUMAN

not some comfort shoulder to ease up ur guilt or anything, please

i haven't said this in a while

I HATE EVERYTHING AT THE MOMENT

makes pregnant women like saints compare to my mood swings.

AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!

damn. cant enjoy my lambchop. upperstar babi.

i guess u can call dis....adulthood?

damn. my worries....urgh. i feel so bad, tired, angry, & useless. here's the thing. ya, ive been away to pahang for a good 3 years to experience some freedom dat i cudnt when in kk. dont missunderstand; i cud see the world clearer & i cud make decisions on my own. there were some downside to it coz im an idiot. making mistakes now & then. but free from ur comfort zone expands ur horizons a bit; knowing more things, seeing the "outside" world. & then, it ended when my diploma did. i was happy. or so i think...? i guess i was. i AM happy being around the people i love but i dunno. the security i feel when in here is weaker than the one im feeling when im elsewhere.

wat im trying to say is simply this; i dont see anything ahead in my life that's good for me here in kk than somewhere else where i think i might have a better chance. I DUNNO.

cant make up my mind. one minute, i dont wanna leave, & the next my mind wandered off on its own to somewhere else other than my home...here. its the feeling & my need of accomplishing something that i failed to feed. i feel so hopeless. work, my interest & hobbies, wat i like doing; i cant achieve them here.

wat im saying is still vague; i know. only i can understand this. but to put it simply, im in between to being responsible & being selfish.

i have to stay at home. i cant ABANDON my family now & they need me =/ a lot more than i can explain here. taula, semua org ada masalah keluarga. i cant always think of myself all the time; its time for me to give back to my family of when they weren't thinking of themselves for my benefit. i know that. i soooo know that. i was pleaded to stay here. ='(

but i cant shake the feeling that i can be something i want, or maybe even better, in another place =/ ive seen how my close friends had their opportunities literally thrown at them. & me? i dunno. just cant be patient. its back & forth all the time; my mind & heart changes. its always either two but neither one. kimak.

at times, i feel like my responsibility feels like a f*cking burden. other times, my selfishness makes me feel disgusted at my self.

extreme kan? dis is me. deal with it.

in this comfort zone; i'd have to depend on my parents. its not a choice. elsewhere, id have to depend on others too but maybe not as much as in the comfort zone. im able to move freely & make my own decisions as i go but its not like that here. i have to be independent while being dependent. maybe im asking too much. entah la.

both things are still playing around my head. to sacrifice my dreams? or to carry out dreams of my loved ones?

this isn't fair; both for my loved ones and me.

will i grow up & make a mature decision or grow up backwards & try to compensate what i haven't had?

hmm...decisions decisions...................

well there u go :D

NEW TEMPLATE!!!!!! not much tho, but id like it dat i finally settled on one. boy. RAMBANG MATA BUDU. muahahahhahahah!!!! i didnt now wat i want :D

might change it again LOL

(here is where i start writing SOLELY about my template scavenger hunt...mmg teda idea ngeehehe)

erhem! so, i didnt noe wat to choose at first, how i wanted my blog to look like. went to the usual graphic-cy ones at first, BUT THEY'RE BORING! & besides, my last template pun gitu juga rupa dia. went with something i cud put my vain picts in (o yeah, i hav tons of them) but i held back on dat thought entah napa; sumthing to do wit my perfectionist-afraid-to-make-a-mistake syndrome T______T went for the girly ones but.....eheh...im not wat u call a girly girl...i dont want my readers to get confused. MUAHAHA.

& so, i went wit sumthing dat suits with my old soul; bahahaha. ada kupi lg. dis is temporary i noe, nda lama ni...aku tukar lg ni tgk la.

before i go off, if its n0t too late, i wanna wish everyone a happy belated valentine's :D :D :D seems like everyone has sumthing to say bout dat particular day ;D & im going to read EACH & EVERY ONE OF THEM NOW!!

paning suda kan mencari template.

in need of a change again

blog aku ni mau kena renovate balik! it doesnt stimulate my rusty brain anymore; im back to malas-mau-update-blog-sebab-nanti-tulis-benda-teda-teda-yang-orang-tidak-akan-baca phase. tidak best. ya, the broadband went out for a while but it wouldnt make a difference. still wouldnt update :D

in a deeper note, maybe, I'M the one that's wanting a change :D in my life, myself, my mood (swing..), my facial wash (i like amy's neutrogena scrub!!) & my choice of food..yes hannah, no more lokans. even kerang is giving u an effect smpai hari ni. not an entire 180 degree of change, no! 25 kali, or just 50, so as to make me feel as comfortable as i can in my own skin. & i mean both medically & spiritually.

i dont wanna waste away, so that all i have left's my bitterness >( ho yah....i can be very very sour. everyone has problems, im sooooo not an execption; u should see my list (- -,) and if that isnt already worse, theres the occasional external noises interrupting the parade that is my life which are uncontrollable; & i wanna be prepared.

i realized that life may seem like a straight unknown road, but if i was paying enough attention, detours offer itselves once in a while if i or even anyone wants (or needs, in my case) a change. my utmost biggest fear, besides to panic at making mistakes, is knowing that i should give up; there's no hope for me at a certain situation, & ahead is just dark. see my problem? detour. definitely.

soooooooooo! im gonna change a bit of my perceptions & views again. stored up emotions arent healthy, regardless if its hatred or love; too much & u'll go blind..so u know wat happens next T_T i can only distract myself from remembering hurtful & painful things; so i need to collect sunshine here & there & put it somewhere as big as a luggage bag in case it rained :]









p.s/ i was thinking about this a lot while staying at amesz's hostel & reading new moon :D MYYYY I LOVE UR HOSTEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha :D inpirasi ni ba keno ;)

just cause~

tomorow is my interview with STB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

waaaahhh cant wait cant wait *lumpat2*

ive been waiting for this for a looooooooooooooong time

even having to wake up early gets moi excited~

ahh...

lemme say something

i am not nervous when it comes to an interview with a marketing executive of one of the highly recognizable tourism organization in this region

nope.

but i was nervous, & anxious, almost paranoid indeed

to send a letter to UiTM

all i had to do was fill up a convocation form; my name, ic no, address, & photostat my ic,

but i was so scared & terrified & conscious that i would make a mistake

that i ended up actually making...them....mistakes T______T

i bought the wrong envelope

i didnt photostat my ic right

i didnt photostat my ic YET when the form is already in a glued envelope

wrote my address wrong

doubled, tripled, quadrapled checked my particulars to find them still in errors

*enough..!*

great. another reason why im an oddball. xD

babah. agata tidur babunyyyyaaaaaaaaaaa.

ZZzzZZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzZZZZZzzzZ~~~~~~

note to self

DO NOT DEPEND ON OTHERS (in the future)

INSIST ON NOT DEPENDING ON OTHERS NEXT TIME (for now)

BE INDEPENDENT (for the rest of ur life)






how i wish upon a star~ ;P

i want to be able to live well

i want to be able to make my kids live well

i want to be able to do things without guidance

i want to not be a pressure to anyone

i want to be able to afford what i want

i want to be able to do good deeds

i want to be able to naik haji more than once

most of all, i want to be able to get what i want without having to wait.

Women for power~! ;)