gahh. im lost. confused. don't know what to do. don't know where i'm heading. & i don't really have the right people to guide me here. hellooooooooooo...mak ai.
i need to be given advices at times, not the one to give them all the time. i need the one to be listened to, not the one that has to listen. WAIT! i am not seeking for attention nor am i one selfish bitch, i'm just asking for some slack. you know. lemme breath for a while. whoo.
i wanna be able to ask a question and people to answer me truthfully. not based on their own importance. such as, should i go to danum? yes, coz ur mopping 'round the house, u look miserable. instead of, no *miserable face* adeh.
if i'm not allowed to do what i want, then when will i be able to? aren't my despair *sorry, feeling a lil vocabularic" a thing to pay attention to before they turn to regrets & i'll never forgive you for that...like, EVER? justice...I NEED JUSTICE!!!!!!!!
i've changed. I'VE CHANGED. i've always been a person who doesn't like to be tied down, like waaaaaaaay down, that i can literally taste the grass, and right now, that has evolved i guess. i do NOT want to belong to anybody. repeat, ANYBODY. i am sooooooo a husband to a certain person right now. gila eh.
i have things that i want. & to be understood of the things that i want. im running out of time here. there's things that i wanna achieve. things i wanna do. things i dream of. lemme emphasize, dream. just cause you were robbed of yours, doesn't mean that it has to be the same for me =(
so i'm just gonna sit here & watch people surpass me? jeez. okay, hannah the fat, silly, funny, laughs at herself a lot, does have pride & ego ok. HUGE ones. some just don't realize. even worse, *waaarrghh* i do not wanna say the "c" word.
so, how long am i gonna stay here? i have to say that this is not a bad place; sheltered, protected, secured, carefree....blah blah blah. wanna know what happens if i try to get out? i get FED. i was fed so much till i can't move. seriously. if u think a little bit deeper, i think you'd know what i mean, its "bribery". or however you see it. i just...*sigh* aduuuuuuuyay.
you can't be happy when these thoughts still come to your mind. you can't be at peace when you haven't felt that self-satisfaction yet. my desires, my passion....bila? when? you CAN'T feel freedom in cage. that's BULLSHIT.
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2 comments:
babe. cheer up. ;D
hannah.
i kinda feel guilty juga dengan kau.
sometimes i talk too much about my problems dgn kau smpi ko mau cakap pun susah kan.
i'm so sorry. i'll talk less.
sekarang ni, you have to ask urself, DO YOU WANT TO GO DANUM? If you do, you should go. Hannah... kau yang kerja. bukan kami or your family. Memang la kami akan sedih kau pegi situ but doesnt mean we dont support you.
Its sumthing you have to prepare yourself with when you leave. people will cry. but you've got to stand your ground girl. if you think you want it, you should go for it. jan ja macam aku, masi nda tau apa aku mau buat china or no china. :)
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