but, who can blame them? my problems in 2008 caught me SO off guard that it hit me till i was seeing stars. i was so starry-eyed, i couldn't tell what was right or wrong. then it went downhill from there.
i became.....black & white. that was my outlook on life & people. there are just good & bad, nothing in between. if i dont like it then i wont get close to it & otherwise. gitu2 laa. it disturbed me when people i just know wanted too get close to me, i went against my own perception that judging too soon is unfair; i simply became sour.
i was bitter & i wanted to be cautious. always observing the people around me always thinking of their words & actions & even gestures if it shows even one single sign of negativity. through my perceptions. i'd accept rejectance & reject acceptance.
that was wrong.
i do not wanna limit myself like that, & that was me before. i realized that if im gonna be like that, im only looking at the world, my world, with a telescope so small, eventually everything is vague.
even though i do not wanna get hurt again, but i'd rather be out of my shell & happy than in it & being paranoid :P
I DON'T WANNA BE SOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i know i can be all over the place sometimes but so what? i cant do RIGID & COMPOSED~ if i am going to get hurt again then that cant be helped, what's supposed to happen will happen. its only the matter of me handling it. anyways, Allah s.w.t. isn't bias. so things will not go ur way if its not meant to be. God makes the rules~
haaaaahhh im babbling & acting tough in the blog & i know that i wont change immediately but the realization is enough for now...teeny weeny tiny baby steps at a time. i can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i will stare at 2009 IN THE FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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