insomnia & solitude...NOT GOOD

dammit...y did i have the urge to wake up after only sleeping for an hour...AN HOUR...as far as i remembered, i even sacrificed my "super duper supper" to go to dreamland, including the regular stay-ups with my younger siblings to find out what really happened to sasuke after he chased after the wind thingy group...did gaara became not kawaii anymore? hooh dat arm...did naruto & the rest got the chance to catch up wit sasuke?....

hoookay. its a habit of mine. i follow lights. :D :D :D :D :D

erhem. so i skipped supper & watching naruto till the morn, my two ultimatest syiokest favouritest activity of the day ever, & end up waking up to myself & dis laptop, while everyone's asleep & left me alone >( to make it worse, i cannot go back to sleep *whines*

not fun. not fun at all. sepa suruuuuh. uwaa. my comrades (my adik-adik) followed suit to their general (me) as they found me sleeping, they did the same too. u guys were loyal, so i'll forgive u T________________________T

my optimistic side tells me that dis isn't all dat bad, besides, the evil cockroaches do not seem keen to flying up my head; instead crawling up & down my cabinet. probably coz i had previously worn expired hair spray. hehe. accidently. booyah!! 1-0 for me vs mr. roach.

this situation though can really get u paranoid at times. JEEZ!! the stuff dat comes to ur head!!! i read ms. inden's post (ngehe) & i came across a word dat sent a jolt to my otak right here & probably added raisins to the fruitcake,

" CLOSET "

oh dear. oh dear oh dear oh dear. & so, having quite a collection of skeletons & who knows what in my own beloved closet, they came out to play =/

thank goodness im still in an indifferent mood now, i can look at them skeletons calmly & in proturberance. *sigh* i realized now more than ever dat having dat big of a closet have turned me into a berangin person. cant sweep stuff under the rug all the time hannah.

i realized dat i've turned into an unpredictable person where i keep too much stuff & do not know what to do with them but put on a happy face. 24 hours of 7 days of a week in 1 month. all year long.

& during unexpected times where i suddenly think about it, i burst, not considering the people around me at times.

mind u, its not dat i intentionally do not wanna tell, its my nature. its been my nature since i was born; to not be someone who verbalizes well. i think i've improved over the years. i do have the most AMAYYYZAZINGG people around me, my best friends & family & anggota; but....i have yet to duel with my own demons. goodness. im starting to scare myself :D :D :D :D

& i think its this absurd, disgusting, absolutely not cool KEEP-SILENT-PLEASE culture dat exist here in my environment, dat has been contributing a lot to my uncool condition. seriously, ur cramping my style.

thus, in conclusion, this is what not being able to sleep & the only one awake can do to me, occasionally~ still not a good combination. its eating cheesecake & drinking Cola at the same time. can u imagine what u'll barf out? MUAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! hehe~

i'll retire for now, from dis post at least, there's a chance dat i'll probably write another post. ngehehe. untill then, i owe a dance to dis skeletons-coming-out-of-the-closet feeling. & mr. roach's approaching my territory. fast. *grabs newspaper*

Meet Johnny Smooth

HAHA!! hehehehheheeeeehehehhehehheh

okay. dis guy is uncanny for words. i like him :D :D :D :D enough said. take him seriously people. READ. READING'S COOL.



however mr johnny, i do not want u in my fav bookstore. nu uh. no how. I'll still read Enid Blyton no matter what u say :D :D :D :D :D

10 random thoughts for the night

1. Hair conditioner contributes to pimples & acne.
2. Why is there bunga manggar in my room?
3. Peanut butter goes well with chocolate rice. & coloured sugar. & cinnamon powder. & bread.
   
4. Do not underestimate Martha Stewart.
   
5. Pushing yourself is like........pushing your own damn self. You know you won't go anywhere.
6. Hi,I'm 9.
7. Be repulsive. Be, be, repulsive.
8. Please. That's what I do. PLEASE.
9. I have a pair of 8 year old socks. neh.
   
10. "womanizer womanizer ur a womanizer oh! womanizer oh! womanizer oh! baby U U U U! U U U U!"

Seriously, I'm bored :D

woohhh selamat pagi........

my head feels like crap~

i didn't have much sleep the day before yesterday


*or...yesterday...?*


thanks to naruto episode 1 till 20 :P :P :P :P


*datebayyyooooooo!!!!*


slept at 8 in the morn


*hmm...kemarin la ni hehe*


woke up at 12, because kazen2ku minta bgun dan menyuruh turun ke cp "MARILA KITANI BETUMPILAKAN D CP!!!!!" T______________________T hehehhehehe another fav brunai word of mine.....betumpilakan...means, beramburan tahap berambur yg amat dasyat dan sangat. secara bida. haa. atutah ya. hehehhehehhe.

ERHEM!! back to my head feeling crappy...sepatutnya la..blik dri bekeluaran dgn kazen2...OH YAAAHHH!!!! kami ada.....NAMA...da malekz heheheheheh like a tribute & rememberance towards our hero, our late grandpa Haji Abdul Malek =)) & not just him actually, all of our relatives =)))

hm. offside.

annnnyyywaaaayyyyys..


*i dont have much time here...capat ba hannahhhh!!!!*


sepatutnya it was supposedly actually & really, jumpa, kumpul with everyone nden watch movie & everyone can go home peacefully & happy. zahir (the goodbye-boy) was leaving to johor


*bru td..uwaaaaaaa ='(*


& farewell la kira. nden, ada org emo & bawa bejamming secara spontan dimana org2 yg berlainan aliran minatan muziknya...telah..dipaksa...main. smpai migrain ni urg.

trus2!! mau blk suda la...half of the malekz suda blk


*uwaaaaaaaa*


trus ada perasaan yg bida muncul di hati beta ini....


*yg bila ko keluar kan, yg teda2 ni ba...mcm teda fungsi ko kuar ni.....*


tanpa menghiraukan kepala ku yg suda berdenyut2, aku ingin makan dan tgk movie. tidak mau blk. rupa2nya, kazen2 ku yg lain pun merasakan sedemikian :D


*wathaa...........*


erhem. so, we ate, talked & watched yes man & went home at 12 :D :D :D


*YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*


soooo...smpai rumah......internet ok suda kan....yg malakat d laptop ni namau tidur...there was totally NOTHING i could do at the time, but i wanted to jugak...buat...something......tgkla...smpai 2 ni post aku last night


*ngeheh....*


time mau gerak p katil kan, my walk was wobbly2 eyesight pun mcm betambah ni ba degree kerabunan. neh. sepa suruh.

sekali bangun.....

I CANT EVEN OPEN MY EYES RIGHT.

hastagaaaaaaaaa....

ba tu ja.

a song to myself

its a bit bittersweet but, here it is, as a reminder to self~

the kooks, ooh la....~~~~

In their eyes is the place that you finally discovered
That you love it here, you've got to stay
On the bottom of the rock, an island
On which you find you love, then you twitch
You felt that itch in your pettycoat
Your pretty pretty pettycoat

And then you smiled he got wild
You didn't understand that there's money to be made
Beauty is a card that must get played
By organizations

And ooh la, she was such a good girl to me
And ooh la, the world just chewed her up, and spat her out
And ooh la, she was such a good girl to me
And ooh la, the world just chewed her up, and spat her out

The world can be a very big place
So be yourself don't get out of place
Love your man and love him twice
Go to Hollywood and pay the price
Oh go to Hollywood

And don't be a star, it's such a drag
Take care of yourself, don't begin to lag
It's a hard life to live, so live it well
I'll be your friend, and not in pretend
I know you girl
In all situations

But ooh la, she was such a good girl to me
And ooh la, the world just chewed her up, and spat her out
And ooh la, she was such a good girl to me
And ooh la, the world just chewed her up, and spat her out

if a brain has a refresh button :D

i think my brain is experiencing a burnout...due to exessive overthinking, NOT thinking, thinking of benda teda2, thinking of things not to think about & knowing it, thinking of thinking, & just pretty much everything that has to with thinking. adidihh.

now i dunno wat to think anymore. o________________________________0

*iyah...ngaaaaaam*

is dis one of wat december's supposed to do wit people? :D mcm...throughout the year, u did dis, did dat, went thru dis, went thru dat, & then its a bit numb in the end...? tus yg...blank sikit~*



*does dis make sense? bah...monologue...MONO....LOGUE...*



or or!! is it an automatic reaction coz i finished studying?? :D :D

i feel like there's something really missing here. in me. & i just cant pin the tail on the donkey. i cant pin the donkey. at all. erm, ok hate me, but i was more satisfied with myself before; i feel productive. now i feel like a vegetable. an eggplant to be exact. a friggin' eggplant. vat iz zis...? i feel like im not doing enough. i feel like my brain's facing a lag or something. like a malfunction or something. wait. ni suda psychological ka ni? dont tell me :D :D therapists?? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!



*pnyala~ tolong la...teda2 ni ba...*


becaaaauuuussseee of dis problem, im not able to do things & i kinda let opportunities & stuff wave me goodbye T_________________T coz u dont noe wat to think. ur blurred out most of the time. & almost confused. errrmm..confused la berabis jugak, nda almost hehehe..


*sigh*


atu tah. if only a brain has a refresh button. my brain definitely needs it. ngggeeeehh~!! untill then. tata. the eggplant needs baja. supaya dia subuuuurrr. ha....ha...hadui. ;P

*drool*

Feast ur eyes on Zach Condon *screams*, the vocalist & the backbone of a group called Beirut!!!! Dis terribly handsome ciggarette puffing stud writes all the songs for the band & can play almost ALL the instruments in the 10-piece band. u name it. trumpet!! violin!!! talk about a one-man band... *drooling&menghayaling*

i have been (really) obsessing bout the band (or maybe Zach!!) for quite some time now *clears throat* & i find their music really2 different & just wat i needed at the time. melancholy, poetic, thearatical, inspiring & just absolutely BEAUTIFUL. dis guy describes a sort of sadness & bliss, twist it with pop, a bit of indie, shakes it wit europe-ish melodies & adds some balkan spice. *closetofainting* i am intrigued with cultural, ethnic, celtic & world music, & to listen in a totally different way as beirut does their music really in a way made me feel like...i wasnt alone? ;)

AND THE LOOKS OF THIS GUY!!!! zach in my opinion is when edward scissorhands learned how to sing... o_0 charismatic, unique, & hauntingly sexy T_______________T & dat dreamy & sultry voice of his...u could be dumped by a guy & forget bout it the moment u hear his voice..haaaaaaaaaahhhh gilak...hehehe

i was actually yearning for something new, something dat could relate to an undescribable side of me; i did, halfway when i discovered tribal style bellydance (dat'll be in the next post~) & finally like an inner starvation & hunger in me had met its savior, comes beirut & dis dude, ZACH.. *faints* their music completes me ;) now, dis vid of their live street peformance for the "Take Away Show" & most of it is really spontaneous, where they play, & wat songs they play. WATCH!!




heheheh. do not underestimate these guys, they do not seem like the coolest underground band dat u wanna brag to ur friends upon discovering them (so as to make u the hebattest rock person ever), but they've played alongside the likes of mars volta mind u. dan yg seangkatan dgnnya. but i prefer them la. :D :D :D :D

I LOVE BEIRUT!!!! WHOOOOO!!!!!

oooooh IPMB LAB~!!! goodness :D

gilaaaa....a SIGMA-ALDRICH weighing 1 kg is staring at me man. seriously. o____0

oooooohhh wats dat....? petroleaum ethal. staga. apala fungsi dia tu ah :D :D :D

o gosh. MACROPIPETTE. AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

eppendorf...nama ka lgi tu ah...mcm yg rectum anal tempreture checker thingy yg kena sumbat d boooooty ni ba. adeehh

eh nah. kedapatan oleh amy. petroleum ethal tu petroleum ether dia bilang. ooooh.

nalin. apaituh? nalin dia bilang. nahh....WHHHHOOOAAA!!!! check dis out....potassium dihydrogen phosphate, dalam bm....kalium dihidrogen fosfat. mesti dihidrogen tu kena pronounce "deeheedrojen"....

ahahahahahaha ni jar ba kena label J.T. Baker...justin timberlake jd baker & came up with ammonium molybdate 4-hydrate, crystal...ngahahahhaha

im lame. LAME. LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME.

new template~!!! =D

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

new templaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate

i liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike

i so so liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

simple mimple, blueish, a bit graphic-ish, JUST THE WAY I WANTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whooyeahh...

it meant a lot la jugak to change my template ngehehe

my posts's been nothing short of depressing so i need some sort of motivation to write a much "broader" range of topics & stuff

not the same ol thing~

its for my own good jugak, narrating helps me keep my brain alive, while mengangguring at the moment!!

& it doesn't giv much justice to the peeps dat r following my blog to just merepek benda2 teda ni ba

hohohohoh I APPRECIATE IT!!!!!! AMESZ!!! JIEY!!!! PHEADRA!!! YUQ!!!!! I WILL DO MY BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! o_0

may the force be with me!!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

*feeling dat titanic moment where leo shouts "im on top of the world"*

i even changed my blog tittle!!!!

i mean, to really like label myself & put a certain tittle about the things im gonna write in my blog, IS HARD. REALLY HARD. im still soul-searching here so HANNAH'S BLOG is just fine =) ngehe...i realized dat i really2 HATE girl in bliss~ erm coz i dont wanna be dat girl no more...im just hannah laaaaah yg perut bergas kuat sendawa ituhhh dan makan burger lambat...!!!!

ngehehehheehehehhehe

wahhh puas hati~MUAHAHHAHAHH!!!!

yaaaaiiiiyaaaaiiiyaaaaaaiiii

duusssshh tumbuk muka sendiri. hmmmmmmmmm 18 till 21 haribulan nnt ba kan...im supposed to be a tour guide......yg buat tu itinerary.............yg urus transport........yg kena bawa drg makan...........yg kena ikut apa drg mau tp still kena suruh2.......yg kena buat new itinerary everyday sbb.....drg nda paham.....kenapa.....aku.....buat....gitu......mcm............teda fungsi sebenarnya aku utk drg.......ku buat itinerary drg tukar tus susun2 (?????) tus......pastu.....APALA? supaya drg nda sesat ja?

uinaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.....UIIIIIINNNNAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH......UI TO THE NAH!!!!!!!!!!
UINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

k...ni ayat besa la kan...tp mmg ni ba....parents aku pun nda pernah kasi susah aku mcm ni la kan....klu......lecturer....nda pa jugak....its their job to b a pain in the ass...to students i mean........my mom's a lecturer hehehhehehehhehehehehheh....

STRESS!!!

STRESS!!!

STRRRREEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!

i msged her saying dat i'll only take care of their transportation, n the rest i wont be involved with. tus, dia jawab balik,

"dgn ape? u mean dinner & lunch tu semua?"

mcm tubal pulak org ni kan. astaga. dia mcm nda pernah belajar tourism mgt selama 3 tahun ni ba. pdhal..............mmg dia suda 3rd year ni........BA.......

My To-do List

1. Catch up with old friends
2. Catch up with old friends
3. Catch up with old friends
4. Catch up with old friends
5. Catch up with old friends
6. Catch up with old friends
7. find Me...who I am
8. Catch up with old friends
9. Catch up with old friends
10. Catch up with old friends

oh........great...........................

just as i was trying to cheer myself up, ada ja benda yg came up.....
































i feel shitty............................................
































ih.............................................................

HOME SWEET HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

huuuuuuhuhuhuuhu...dis got me excited maaan :D :D :D despite ni laptop nda buli download my ultimate fav photo editor photoscape, pas2 aku teda tu biji kelentit bluetooth thingy to transfer my picts, AKU MASI BESEMANGAT!!!!! heeeeehehehe....adala jua tu picnik.com & my rm1.71 crdt...mms~~~....hahhahahahhaha....

now, notice i didnt do justice for dis pict...i tried my very best gillaaaa xD photoscape tedaaahhh...yeah my title says home sweet home, but i wasnt at home yet! dis was wen i visited sofie in riana green, kl & belle was there too!!!!! seriously, it felt as close as home ;) these are my BEST FRIENDS!! they hav been for the last 7 years ok....SEVEN...YEARS...distance never was an issue =)) i figured dat i really2 wanted 2 see sofie since she wont be coming to kk dis year...but, in my hugest regret, i wished i planned it sooner ='( i came wen the next day was my flight back 2 kk ='(((( i only spent 15 hours wit these gals, minus 6 hours of sleep...but still, IT MADE ME SO HAPPY!!!!! :D we cooked bfast...menu besa d rumah sofie,

1. canned corn

2. baked beans

3. fish/chicken nuggets

yahh...time tu, semua ada :D :D :D ohh!! plus some new things ngeheee...sofie craved for some pancakes~~~~ oohh yummy...nden cornbeef, nden hashbrown...i was bloated smpai malam ni ba hehehhe...nden sofie puts on the movie "Chicago" yg ada renee zelwegger n catherine zeta jones...PUNYA BEST!!!! i miss those times where all of us wud just sit down & watch a movie & talk bout it...erhem!!! sweetest thing, for example... :D & the most sweetest thing dat sofie did was she took of one of her slippers first to stop a door from closing coz she forgot her keycard!! heheh cian~ so she walked me to the cab...without a slipper...she gav up minutes later taking both her slippers off =') time d elevator ni c belle "UISH!!! NDA AMBIL GMBAR PUN!!!!" hence d pict =)))))) i love these gurls so much & it was just wat i needed at the time...to be with them ngehehehhe! IM MISSING THEM ALREADY!!!! sofie knew dat i was "singkat" so she gave me a few bucks for my trip =') sof, u still hav 2 giv me ur acc no =)) LOVE U GIRLS SO MUCH!!!!! ~xoxoxoxoxo~

now, the day after i arrived in kk, I HAD TO MEET THE PEOPLE DAT MADE KK A HOME FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D of course my family too ;D ngeheeee...i missed these gurls SO MUCH dat i was balding...really...im not playing :D :D :D hehheheheheh...

AMY & YUQ!!!!! i only saw them "virtually" thru facebook & ym ='( tu pun, i only saw amesz twice ja la kan ;D it killed me so much knowing dat wen they were here, people were trying to hurt them & probably succeeded & i cudnt do a thing....NOBODY HURTS MY BEST FRIENDS OKAY?????

under some circumstances, i went back a lil late than expected, not a day goes by d kuantan tu dat i didnt miss them =) makin drg komen my photos in facebook, makin rinduuu~ ;P uhuuu...time ni, we were at gracepoint makan2 mau celebrate belated befday yuq ;D man, i cud only afford mee sizzing ja utk c yuq ngahahah!! lain kali yuq, lain kali!!! cupcakes were substitutes for a cake~!

HAAAPPPPPYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D terubat rindu i tau tak...hehheheh GALK!! sue was supposed to go out too but she wasnt allowed coz it was near maghrib suda kan...still got to meet her jap ja..at least i stole a hug from her, dat was enough ;) byk lg masa ni...im not going anywhere ;)

I MISSED AMY'S LAUGH!!!! :D :D :D :D too much to tell!!! in the car wen they heard my ringtone, daft punk technologic, tus tesambung la kan dgn ayat2 miscellaneous drg :D smpai la "nokosi low...mai sodena" hahaha ;) WE WATCHED BOLT!!! &...i....actually....fell......asleep~ ;P ssshhhh....dium2~ ahahahah...wen amesz picked me up, i cud hear her voice from outside my house :D :D :D :D

man im just totally speechless.....I WAS SO DAMN HAPPY TO FINALLY MEET THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lama tu...3 bulan hehe...there was no chance for me n amesz telepathic-saying-the-same-thing-at-the-same-time moment yet, but there was the laughing-a-lot-at-things-only-we-cud-understand moments...o yeah...lots of them :D LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING THEM AGAIN!!!!! LOVE THEM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!

dis laptop's winzip...IS EXPIRED

i need a new blog makeover.

i mean, looking at my current template, wit the current posts i made

ITS DEPRESSING. xD

ya lah...

td pun....bru ja tulis sumthing yg aku besa tulis. marah2 geram2 emo2. cm kin panas pulak ;D

neways, the more interesting my "outlets" r, the less time i lock myself up in the room...haaa...ni pun bunyi dia lain jua ni ba...kimak

HAAAAAAAAPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

2008 pun mau hbs suda...(lepas baca post c amy, ckap psal 2009, brula mcm tebukak mata ni keno ;P) time for new things!!! time for realization, time for maturity, time for A NEW BEGINNING!!!!!!!! bukan ada...lagu..ka ni? title dia new beginning or sumthing....?

huuuuuuuuuuuuuhuhuhuhuuh

i have yet to figure out the course of my life.....? in...2009.......? but i'll try la...yg penting, im the one who makes it HOOOHOHOHOH!!!!

hmmmm...yah...i'll do dat..................tapi......dis laptop punya winzip masi expired ni ba xP

punya....lawak........

BUZZKILL!!!!!! BODOH!!!!!!!

wat's "wrong" with me

hah. hahh. HAHHHHH...i wonder how it is for people to be in my shoes. mcm mau handle ni...?

i noe im not a vocal person, i dont complain a lot n i come across as sum1 hu's easygoing at times, but dat does catch up to u, u noe? people, trying to not be a pain in the ass just brings pain into UR OWN ASS.

ders a reason y i wanted 2 be away (in kuantan) for quite some time. even wen there's nothing for me there. ders a reason y occupy myself a lot wit the internet. fb, fs, n blogs...ders a reason y i listen to my iPod in full volume, ders a reason y wen i listen to my iPod, i'd lock my door & not hear anything else except my "happy" songs....DERS A REASON. wen the THINGS dat hurt & effect & disturbed me a lot comes playing in my head, dats wat i do. DATS THE ONLY THING I DO. i'd drown all the other noise till the only thing i hear is the iPod in my silly thoughts. i've been curios but my conscience brought dis bad-ass guilt dat made me feel twice the pain. so, iPod'd been my companion for sumtime. simple, kan? itu ja kan?

so...napa susah mau faham? for the moment i cant face the demons face to face yet, so leave me in my bliss solitude nden i'll be fine wen i come out. gitu ja baaaaaaaa. i cant take it wen there's "interruptions" in my "therapy". dats how I KEEP ON GOING. dats how ive kept myself SANE. okay? wen things get bad, i'd listen to my songs & im alrite. wen i feel down again, dgr la blk.

dats it ba. itu ja. ITU JA.

*sigh*

but u probably dont want to noe wat im trying to run away from kan? it'll probably add up to the misery u urself have kan? soooooooooo...

wen i cant answer the door....dont treat it like ders something WRONG wit me. coz there is. but the reason why'll hurt u as well.

just LET ME BE. dont tell me dat im ruining my telinga, biarla ba. ada juga hearing aids. dont tell me dat im being irresponsible. dont tell me dat i shudnt lock the door. dont tell me dat im stupid. dis is the most calm i can be. i could turn to alcohol but its not my style. jeeeeeeeez.




just.....................haiiiiiihhhhhhhhh