when will i ever get it :D

warning: EXESSIVE JIWANG KARAT MAU MAMPUS BABBLINGS

i feel dis ache in my heart. straight up. aku teda pembayang, no filter to say dis.

I FEEL AN ACHE IN MY HEART.

it is hard for moi to actually blurt out something TOO honest (except wit my best friends, tu pun tapis2 jua) but there u go. aduii.

at times, i feel like there's dis war inside me u noe. the romans against greek war. ange jolie and aniston war. errk.

but for me its the

BRAIN VS HEART

now ur brain, is like a mama advicing u wat 2 do, wat not 2 do & so on. the one responsible for 'the voice in ur head'.

while ur heart is the punk rock daughter dat just wants 2 rebel on anything the mama says & is prone to betrothal (kawin lari). u get the pict la tu kan.

u KNOW the consequences & the reactions or effects or aftermath of a certain action u do. example, makan pisang dgn susu; thus, ur tummy'll feel like a monkey's swinging at ur intestines, ur stool will be liquidish coz of too much fiber & gitula smpai 1 minggu. *gross* tapii...klu tu yg we crave, ataupun, klu tu ja yg ada & ur hungry, or, u havnt tried eating bananas & milk before, the "punk rock daughter" will say, f*ck it, watever. im so over it. *ngappp* tus complain. tus "mama" bawa p "clinic". (warned ya, BABBLINGS)

now take dis example & try to relate to something more......hmm look at the tags xD

*stare at the laptop for 10 mins*

~sigh~ a bit susah now mau blurt out dis lump in here. TT__TT

i noe for a fact dat if ur not whole & satisfied wit urself yet, u cant b involved wit sum1. not coz its ur bruised, but u havnt reached a place called "content". i noe dat. i so noe dat. ive known dat lama suda.

but gosh!! ive actually opened up a part of myself for a certain sum1 who's just so....SO. period. cmna mau describe ah? i still noe dat u need 2 b content & feeling fulfilled before actually doing dis; then lemme tell ya, I WASNT. but i wanted 2 anyways. subconciously. only to realized wat i hav done to myself moments ago

*feeling dat ache*

so, second part. my loved ones rite now are at a stage where everything's just not going rite. they're sad; angry; miserable; stuck; denying; fighting tooth & nails; down. my best friend just got backstabbed & many numerous things coz of her friends' senseless behavior & there is probably this "hate gang" that'll make it more worse. my little sis is being bullied at work, her own supposedly best friend is sneakily making every1 hate her, her boss is abusing his power & most of it effects her. & my family........................................................

dats private & confidential for now~

*the ache doubles*

& of course i was upset but then

there's dis undescribable feeling deep down in my heart dat added some extras in the ache by these two things

*ache quadraples*

~sigh~ dis is starting to not make any sense rite? errgghh

then i figured, there must be some "locks" opened in me heart dat ive put a sign "no entry" to. it all started last nite. coz of dat certain sum1.

*ache beyond calculation*

~sigh~ see...i knew wat not to do, but coz i wat i WANTED, caused dis. y? (refer to banana example :D) coz i "got hungry & tu ja yg ada" honestly. sehonest honestnya. yup. punk rocker odeed on some powerful "drug".

ERHEM!!!!! BTW!!!!!!!

thank god, "mama" ada...wisdom & selfthought can cure anything, but its not easy tho...

so, i tell myself dis. a heart's like dis piece of wooden puzzle rite here. wen building it u hav 2 b careful & patient. giv a piece away, it crumbles. only wen its finished, then it can b given as a GIFT. only a piece of it, isnt.

so mr wrote-the-love-book-whoever-u-are, hav i finally passed the test now? am i good now? i get ka? =/ haiyooooooo hunnah....